Sick and Tired... and Crazy

So apparently being sick makes me a little nuts. You see, I am a brunette. Hardcore. Depending on the product in it, my hair looks anywhere between a lightish brunette or a dark chocolate.

Well, as I type this, I'm sitting at the computer with a crapload of bleach in my hair. I've considered going blonde in the past, but I don't think I have ever been so ... I dunno, active on that thought? lol.

If it doesn't work out, I will go back to brunette faster than you can say I Refuse To Look Like I'm Blonde Just For The Sake Of Being Blonde. But if it looks cute, I'll have it for summer. And then I'm thinking of going blackish + red with a rockin little angled bob a la posh spice (not her shortie short one, but her regular chin length hair one.) ... another thing that's a little crazy, but something I need right now. I'm a little sick of being mistaken for my early thirties / mid twenties... I'm 21. TWENTY ONE. In the states, that would make me just legal to drink. (Here I've been able to since I was 18)

I'M STILL JUST A YOUNG'UN! I AM NOT BUYING THIS AIR HOCKEY TABLE FOR MY SON, WALMART TEENAGER GUY! I AM BUYING IT FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND! AAAAUGH!!!! I'd have to have had a baby the first time I had my period to have a son old enough to play air hockey. yeesh.

The Serenity Prayer

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I need this prayer right now. I need the courage, the wisdom, and the serenity this poem talks about. I'm going through some things right now, that I've technically been going through for about four years. But something has to be resolved soon, because I do not know how much more I can handle. Somebody else's problem... but mine at the same time. It hurts me, it haunts me, it makes me feel full of rage. It makes me feel powerless.  It makes me feel useless. It makes me feel so angry. It is a sin, and it leads me to sin. It ruins. I need the wisdom to know the difference. Is courage enough? Or do I accept that some things cannot be changed... and then do i take action, or just accept things for how they are?

Praying is the only thing I can do at this moment.

Highly Caffeinated

Wow, so I'm drinking ridiculous amounts of coffee today. I have a gomug going steady. It's pretty ridic.

So I'm starting to get somewhere on reknitting Katja, but customized... Nicole's halter top is coming along nicely! I am probably at least halfway done at this point... it's mostly knitting in the round with an occasionally round or two of purls just for decoration. And then I get to do some math and see if I can make the pattern in a size 5T bordering on 6T for Morgan. It looks a lot different now that I'm actually knitting right! haha... I can't believe I was doing everything into the back of the stitch. Dorkstick, right there. But I did like the effect of doing it 'wrong' on the halter from when I made it for Chelsea's baby gift, so I'm doing the cups totally different than the project recommends.

Man I have to chill it on the coffee, I have to pee AGAIN... LOL. And yet I go pee and then refill the gomug. But I did turn the coffee pot off, this is my last one! I try to stay away from it at night, now, too... ever since nicole started sleeping through the night I haven't been able to drink it at night or I won't sleep. Never thought I'd wind up missing any aspects of sleep deprivation! But there you go, I just love my coffee fix to bits.

Going to try and bake a cake from scratch today, including making icing. It's a recipe from Rachael Ray magazine and it doesn't look too hard. Wish me luck, haha. I'm generally not that into baking, it's hard to customize unless you really know what you're doing. Cooking is more my dealie.

Words cannot express how much nicer my livingroom is now that the wood panelling has been replaced with walls painted chocolate candy brown and bird's egg blue. (a la Benjamin Moore) ... it's like a different room altogether. I feel like I should have a new housewarming party, lol. I'm pretty much settled into the house now, I just really have to pick up some sort of shelving or organization for my office so I can do that. Otherwise I'm mostly set! Gotta try and do the office this week yet so everything is done in the course of one month, then I get mental brownie points from myself. Which might translate into a girls night out or something? hmmm... Although I'm already treating myself to a mani-pedi this month, my feet are like, velcroing to stuff and the skin around my nails is driving me nuts, so it's practically maintenance and not a treat. haha. I'll just tell myself that....

LOR OUT!

testing, testing... my blog crapped out for a bit, so i'm trying to make it work. haha.
i'll probably start blogging again too. just fyi. to all the people out there who dont read it. ahaha.