So I'm pretty cranky today, I'll be honest about it. I haven't really been cranky at all during this pregnancy; I've had a few times, but most of them were related to lack of sleep. I'm always aware of being cranky- it's this peevish, irritable/irritating, itch-to-bitch kinda feeling. I tend to alternate between ignoring the feeling, bitching to myself, or making peevish little comments and (sometimes, admittedly not always) either apologizing outright or explaining that I'm just cranky and bitchy. On the bright side, if I manage to be distracted by something the cranky feeling tends to go away.
I think I have a good reason to be cranky. Aside from the overall fact that I'm STILL PREGNANT and every day feels like another week all of a sudden. I'm only three days overdue, which is really nothing, and I feel like it's a horrible tragedy and I'm the tragic victim of circumstance. I do recognize that it's not that bad, and it's a 'this will probably be funny later... like, a week after baby is born, perhaps..." kind of thing.
The real reason I'm cranky is because I had a 'trial run' to the hospital yesterday, thought I might be in labour... wasn't, obviously... thought my water might have broken, but it hadn't, apparently it might have been just some sort of pool of fluids or whatever. The fact that no, i didn't pee myself, is only a slight consolation. They took some sort of swab to see if my water had broken, and I was told it would be a lot like a pap test. Well, the only similarity so far as I could see was the tools used. I've never had such a painful test! My pap test didn't hurt, it was pretty uncomfortable. This made me nearly want to cry! I was still sore for ages afterwards, and I'm still cranky now. And this makes me even crankier because of course I'm thinking, if I can barely handle a stupid test, how on earth am I gonna deal with labour? Now all my happy thoughts I had because I could wax my own legs, both of them, with barely a wince, are gone. (Last year at about this time, Crystal waxed ONE of my legs for me, and I fought and whined and it hurt a lot... and i know that the change was only in pain tolerance, because I bruised and such both then and now.)
And maybe the fact that Rachel, who is two weeks early and thought she'd be overdue, has a beautiful baby boy (visited them while we were in the hospital, what a head of hair!) and I, who figured she'd be early, am OVERDUE... maybe, just maybe, that makes me a little bit crankier than I could be right now.
I'm a big cranky wuss.