If I was a Horse I would’ve probably been put down by now

This post is kind of gross. If you’re in the first trimester you probably just want to skip this one. I won’t even tell you why, just say thank you and scroll along.

Just flipping through the last bunch of posts and noticing that I’m all ‘blahblah I’m sick, sick blah blah, still sick, also sick’. It’s been hanging on for a bit now, I’m kindof glad I’m a person or there’s a distinct possibility that I might have been put down by now. I hit a low point this morning when I suddenly sneezed all over a rack of clean laundry that had been drying overnight. I sadly surveyed the damage and decided to postpose my chiro appointment until next week. If I’m a sneezebomb waiting to go off, I think I’ll stay home. Not a lot of things truly embarrass me, but anything involving boogers and/or phlegm does me in. First of all, just typing those words has my gag reflex rarin’ to go. Secondly, if I sneezed a big gross sinus-cold sneeze while in the public eye, I would definitely go down in a big red humiliated flame of glory.

 

Aside from sneezing all over my clean laundry, some other highlights of this week include Olivia’s new favourite thing to do, which is spit up on the floor and then splash in it with extreme glee. When you have your second child, they should come with an alarm that goes off for situations like ninja-spitup. Wouldn’t that be fab? I’d be sitting at the counter snooping chocolate from the cupboard chopping vegetables and suddenly the alarm would go off. Oh, with what speed I would dive for that baby with a burpcloth! But no, there is no such thing. Instead I get to casually glance over at the baby… smile turning quickly to an exclamation of dismay as I notice my five month old delightedly splashing in a puddle of disgustingness on the floor. (We will not even speak of a diaper explosion incident last week that also involved delighted splashing. Ever.)

My little family is not totally a gross little write-off, though. This elder child of mine has been pretty awesome lately. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t have a battle of epic proportions with her over breakfast this morning. It may or may not have included me flushing her cereal down the toilet after half an hour of attitude and wandering off instead of eating. (The final straw was when I told her to stop hitting something and sit or I’d flush it… and she looked me square in the eye and hit it again. Cue the danger music.)

She went and sobbed brokenheartedly in her room for a while, poor baby with her cruel mother starving her to death, and then came and apologized for her bad attitude. I poured her a new bowl of cereal with the warning that if she got up from the table even once, it would be flushed and not replaced. She ate it quite nicely. It is amazing how quickly food becomes desirable when your answer becomes, “Fine. You don’t need to eat it. I’ll just dispose of it.”

Rawr!

For the most part though, I am just straight-up impressed with her good attitude and helpfulness lately. Yes, she has smacked or poked Olivia with random objects three times (that I have caught her) in the last five months. But for the most part, she tries her best to keep her baby sister happy. When Olivia hup-scootches or semi-crawls* all over the place, Nicole grabs her and hauls her back onto her blanket, chiding her sweetly and affectionately. Dreamy sigh.  If only they could stay like this forever… but someday, a day that will seem far too soon, they’ll be having epic battles over the blowdryer. Or Olivia will get into Nicole’s lipgloss or nail polish collection and a screaming match will ensue. Or hey, a little sooner down the road, Olivia will chew up Nicole’s favourite coloring book or rip a page out of her sketchbook, and it will be on like donkey kong.

But for now, I can just enjoy them while the mutual affection and love is unfettered by territorial battles. (Don’t pretend like children aren’t like that. I was the oldest of six and if somebody got into my stuff my vision went red and then I blacked out and woke up with my nose in the corner for twenty minutes.)

*Oliva semi-crawls in that she goes up on her hands and knees, and then her hands go ‘thumpthump’ in a crawl motion and then her bottom half goes ‘draaaag’ as she pulls her legs forward until she falls. She’s getting there.

If I get in the top ten on Top Mommy Blogs I will buy Nicole that horsie she keeps asking for. Probably. Anyways, if I don’t and she never gets that horsie, it’s all on you.

And if I do and she still doesn’t get that horse, I’ll totally own it.